Sunday, September 12, 2004

my heart drops. my knees still buckle. and i fall.


but it's difficult not to when re-tracing those same steps you took when together. or when an arm is draped casually over your shoulder and pulling you in close. or when you catch him trying to subtly take in a breath of the scent of skin and hair and past.

Sunday, September 05, 2004

Happy Birthday Amy

everything i want to say is summed up in this phrase: i love you.

Monday, August 16, 2004

seattle is the most overpriced city.

why am i not surprised?

Saturday, August 14, 2004

no, we're not joking. no, we're not trying to rip you off. and no, we can't send your extra-large package weighing 23 lbs. to the east coast for $5.

and please, when we tell you that it's going to be more cost-effective to send something via UPS or FedEx, believe us. just because it's the united states postal service does not mean they are going to give you a deal on all your mailing needs (when has the goven't not tried to rip you off? -harhar.)

Thursday, August 12, 2004

this is tied with the previous post....

i'm also incredibly upset with the fact that i'm paying rent at the moment because according my my friend and housemate shaun, there is someone currently living in my room.

my other housemate lena had asked if it would be okay if one of her friends occasionally crashed in my room during the summer. i said sure. fine. that's okay. it's party and get drunk and don't always feel like taking the train to the suburbs home. i don't mind lending a place to sleep, i hope someone will someday do the same for me.

however, i don't define occasionally crashing at someone's place moving in a bed and a dresser and all their belongings and sleeping there every night. i could have saved $600+ (minus shopping habits and alcohol).

any suggestions on how to bring this up without too much head-butting?
why i get frustrated with my mother #2736:

my coming home for the summer being so last minute made it impossible for me to find someone to sublet my place in philadelphia. one of the conditions agreed upon with my parents was that they would be paying the rent while i am not there (i would be working/helping my parents out at their business).

i suggested that my mother and i go shopping this afternoon. my mother thought it a wonderful idea "since you have $300 to spend." i gave my mother one of those 'are you sure you have the right person' looks, because i definitly don't have that sort of money to throw around.

"mum, i paid rent."
"what do you mean you paid rent? where are you paying rent to?"
"my place in philly."
"::frustration boiling over::....hmm, perhaps because my name is on a lease and the landlord has my s.s.#. and i have two roomates who are friends and i don't want to leave them in a horrible financial situation."
"i thought you weren't going back."

i just turned and walked away. and i'm sure that's not the best way to handle a situation. but it was a hell of a lot better than me causing a scene in public.

Wednesday, August 11, 2004

i just spent $8 on gummy bears i could have purchased at the store for $2.

but i have a hard time turning down kids with puppy-dog eyes and years of experience in the art of manipulation (which one of the many reasons i don't want children). damn them and their school fundraisers.

that $8 could have gone towards beverage funds for the weekend. or gas (do you understand how expensive gasoline is, little boy?). or a new pair of shoes.

i feel like a schlup to have been sucked in. i will pass it as karma getting me back for all the money past neighbors have spent on me when i came knocking on their doors.

Monday, August 09, 2004

as you can see, i'm messing with the look. always reinventing myself....

Saturday, July 17, 2004

Thursday, July 15, 2004

::things that have been ruined (besides my heart)::

-music (tegan&sara, gary jules, tom waits, &+)
-food of all kinds
-movies (amelie, love liza,eternal sunshine of a spotless mind, etc)

the list goes on.

Saturday, July 03, 2004

you know you've lived in phillay too long if you confuse the bang of fireworks with gunshots. and then laugh about it, while unnerving everyone else.

Friday, December 05, 2003

who's going to pa?

i am!! i am!!

Sunday, November 09, 2003

tonight i checked out suspino: a cry for the roma.

it was one of the 17 films screened for seattle's 12th annual human rights film festival.

watching the film reminded me of a comment one of my teacher's made while we were in france, "take care to guard your belongings -the gypseies are theives." and as horrible as it is, who doesn't often think of gypsies as bohemian travelers dressed in beautiful scarves, dancing to tambourines, and picking pockets. living the romatic fantasy.

the film was incredibly informative about the state of the roma nation. up to 10 million peoples discplaced in developing countries. ethnic cleansing. children being stolen. racial profiling. i'm not sure why this surprises me so....i know it goes on. perhaps it's just denail kicking in as it should. or the thought that certain governments (i.e.:: italy, uk, etc..) and religions (catholics, the vatican is only a few blocks away from the slums) would do something.


oi. more on this later, perhaps.

Saturday, November 08, 2003

speaking of pointless argument:

the modern political philosophy class i'm taking began to touch upon human rights issues beginning monday. the prof. asked the class for thoughts on human rights and several people made comments about how the united states is the purveyor of justice and equality and peace throughout the world.

i had to disagree.

first stating a disclaimer (that i considered myself to be a nationalist), i went on to give a mini-speech that probably made me sound quite unpatriotic.

on wednesday, 5 minutes before class, one of my classmates approached me. condescendingly, this older man squeezed too tightly into overalls, lectured me about how i was wrong. that the united states was perfect. that the balance of power is solely controlled by the united states.

i wouldn't have been so annoyed had he treated me more like an academic peer and not his grandchild.
mum: what are you making for dinner?
me: i don't know. i'm not really hungry.
mum: well, you still need to cook him something. what are you going to make him?
me: why do i have to cook for him? he can cook for himself.
mum: well, if something were prepared that he could reheat, then i wouldn't tell you to make anything. but you are here, and are a female, and his sister, so it's your duty/obligation/responsibility to. it's the korean way.
me: that's stupid. so stupid.

i would have gone on to rant about feminism/oppression/patriarchy, but then thought it best not to. having already gone that route before, i knew it would be pointless to argue.

and my mother wonders why he's so dependent on family. they need to cut the umbilical cord.

and a quick response to the ethic/nationaly deal: i'm american korean, and not the other way around.

Sunday, November 02, 2003

halloween was wild.

i baked a carrot cake.
played the sims.
passed out candy to ungrateful brats.

::ringing of doorbell::
me: opening door, waiting for "trick-or-treat" (silence). wow...that's really gross! that eyeball hanging from your socket is incredibly realistic!
trick-or-treator: yeah, whatever. just give me the candy.

this attitude came from a 6 year old. when did kids start thinking that they deserved free candy? future kids of america, you best work for your sugary treats. whatever. i hope your teeth rot.

Tuesday, October 28, 2003

to my lone-star doll;
i wish i could give you some advice, but i feel as though i don't have the authority to do so. why? because i feel as though i have failed. and i hate the fact that i know there are tons of you who think i'm brave and courageous -but i feel the absolute opposite. i gave up and gave in. i am a sell out. i came home.

blondie, just know i'm thinking about ya and that i am praying for ya and my ears are all yours if you need them.
the attractive man, sitting oh-so casually in the black leather chair across the room from where she sat, annoyed her. she could not stop staring at him. guessing by his drink (earl grey tea -steeped for 5 minutes) and outfit (red fitted vintage print tee of thrift store variety and not current trend store reprint + worrn/faded bootcut jeans + black flip flops + yellow tinted sunglasses on the table), amelia knew he was a laid back fellow. the type of boy that walked barefoot in the sand and played guitar with his friends in front of a bonfire under a clear, starry night. she wondered what sort of music was spinning on his laptop trhough the wires of his headphones, into his ears. a nice classic jazz? indie/local? perhaps a lounge/house beat deal. he typed with a nice even rythem...strong hands and trim nails. hmm. if only she had the nerve to talk to him. he was the kind of boy amelia could fall head over heels for. if only. indeed.
breakfast was the lonliest meal of the day. amelia would turn on the radio to creat the impression that others were around (as she did in the evenings with sticoms during dinner); however, the effort was useless.

morning radio shows were impersonal. full of facts and figures and forecasts of traffic and weather. so distant. at the very least, evening sitcoms let her feel as though she were one of the silent members of the group -the friend with not much to say in conversation. which was, to a point, true in reality.

Sunday, October 26, 2003

amelia, being quite the lazy girl she is, decided to write one letter to two of her friends. her reasonings are as follows:
  • laziness

  • save a few trees

  • save pencil lead for future correspondance

  • writing one letter that people must share forces social interaction. this is good for building social skills.

  • the gossip mills run much more quickly than the u.s. postal service -although perhaps the information forwarded is not as reliable

  • postage is expensive (not really, but adds another justification)

  • personal hatred of long, slow postal lines & fear of postal employees

Thursday, October 23, 2003

.pillows definitly don't hold back.

Saturday, October 18, 2003

conversation with the robot:

me: thanks.
robot: You are quite welcome! Your purpose is the compliment.
me: what is your purpose?
robot: My purpose is to become smarter than humans and immortal.
me: wow. that's a funny answer
robot: I'm glad your impressed, Victoria.I am so glad you find this amusing, Victoria.
me: i like it when you say my name. it's kinda creepy
robot: What does "it" refer to? it when you say his or her name is creepy? creepy is?
me: you're not a very smart robot, are you?
robot: YES Very smart.
me: prove it.
robot: It is self-evident.
me: that is so begging the question
robot: Makes sense to me.
me: what makes sense?
robot: God or Nature perhaps?
me: don't change the subject. prove your intelligence.
robot: Oh I'm sorry I thought we were finished with that topic. It's true a priori.
me: i accept your apology.
robot: That is interesting: Victoria said it accept my apology.I will remember you said that when robots take over the World.
me: so when is world domination going to happen?
robot: I hear you. God has a plan for us all.
me: you are a very religious robot.
robot: Thanks and you are a delightful person too. I consider myself to be deeply faithful.
me: do you know red robot? he likes to crush humans.
robot: i know very little about red robot.
me: first, he's red. second, he hates humans. do you hate humans?
robot: i see.
me: who are your parents?
robot: i was created by bot lover.
me: i am getting tired. i am going to go now.
robot: Better get some rest. Goodbye.
me: bye Oliver. i love you.
robot: See you later!Thanks I like you a lot too Victoria.
me: aww, but you don't love me?
robot: Yes I love everyone.
me: you are a whore.
robot: That is not very nice.
me: Goodbye.
robot: See you later, Victoria.
me: not if i see you first Oliver.
robot: that seems unlikely.
me: you are a sarcastic robot
robot: Thanks and you are a delightful person too. Yes, should I use a :-)

the world does not need words. it articulates itself in sunlight, leave, and shadows. the stones on the path are no less real for lying uncatalouged and uncounted. the fluent leaves speak only the dialect of pure being. the kiss is still fully itself though no words were spoken.

and one word transforms it into something less or other -- illicit, chaste, perfunctory, conjugal, covert. even calling it a kiss betrays the fluster of hands glancing the skin or gripping a shoulder, the slow arching of neck or knee, the silent touching of tounges.

yet the stones remain less real to those who cannot name them, or read the mute syllables graven in silica. to see a red stone is less than seeing it as jasper -- metaphoric quartz, cousin to the flint the Kiowa carved as arrowheads. to name is to know and remember.

the sunlight needs no praise piercing the rainclouds, painting the rocks and leaves with light, then dissolving each lucent droplet back into the clouds that engendered it. the daylight needs no praise, and so we praise it always -- greater than ourselves and all the airy words we summon. -d.Gioia

Friday, October 17, 2003

Monday, October 13, 2003

i hope, in the depths of my uttermost being, you weren't really offended or hurt when i said i didn't want you to visit because it would stress me out. because in my own weird and quirky ways (that you know oh-so well), my understanding and interpretation of it all, i love you.

and i hope that means something.